Things I’d Rather Do Than Watch a Washington Nationals Game
The Washington Nationals are atrocious. I’m convinced they wouldn’t even place first in an AA division. It’s brutal. I guess you can argue that Ryan Zimmerman is on a nice hit streak (29 games), but I wouldn’t go out of my way to pay any attention to that unless he got into the 40s. Adam Dunn crushes the ball, but still not worth tuning in to watch. With that in mind, I present 15 things that I’d rather do than watch a Washington Nationals game.
• Have a root canal
• Listen to tone deaf Al Dukes sing about how Mike Pelfrey likes to lick his hands
• Laundry and/or dishes
• Create hilarious, fake Facebook profiles
• Watch this AWESOME video promotion for the new Mike Tyson’s Punchout
• Be stuck in a traffic jam
• Watch a Two and a Half Men Marathon
• Drink a Kevin Youkilis Slump Buster
• Watch/listen to coverage of who A-Rod was hanging out with last week, what he had for breakfast, where his cousin was last seen, and what other MLB players think about him doing steroids
• Partake in a Fear Factor eating challenge
• Play a round of golf with Tim McCarver, Rosie O’Donnell, and Meg from Family Guy
• Attend a Sarah McLachlan concert
• Read a Bill Simmons article
• Deal with Comcast or Verizon customer service reps
• Listen to the Video Game Cover Band’s Mega Man 2 Medley
Please feel free to add to this list.
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* Paint Melissa Ethridge’s toenails
* Clean up my dog and his surroundings after he has eaten his poop and then thrown it up
* Converse with a miss teen USA contestant
* Rub Tabasco on my eyes
* Rub Icy Hot on my boys
I actually have to go to a game in DC for work in early June as one of my clients is a Nationals “fan.” Funny thing is other then Ryan Zimmerman, he can’t name another player on the team which of course invokes endless ridicule from me. Here is my list:
1. Watching a “The Nanny” marathon
2. Being a guest on either The Tyra Banks Show or Ellen.
3. Reading Steve’s posts as a 5th grader has better grammar and coherent thoughts (Can’t wait to see his response & his brand new, leased BMW)
1. Fake the funk on a nasty dunk
2. Watch paint dry while listening to Yanni Live at the Acropolis
3. Memorize Dane Cook’s Harmful if Swallowed CD and then video tape myself acting it out
4. Convince Michael Jackson that he indeed did have plastic surgery
5. Ask Michael Berryman how he looks the same today as he did in 1986 when he was in The Golden Child
6. Explain to Scotty Sean that Jack is a very important character on Lost
1. Take steroids and then workout with Carrot Top.
2. Apply Leslie Gudel’s makeup
3. Shovel Snow
4. Eat Light Bulbs
5. Watch the Mets bullpen blow games after the 6th inning.
1.Pee sitting down
2.play with a lion
3.go to church
4.have a prostate exam
5.cut my toenails and then eat them
6.give my Grandmother a bath
poop standing up