Eight in the Box: Whoa Nelly!

Hold on a second…I’m still trying to catch my breath from the offensive explosion that occurred in last night’s Packers-Cardinals game that has to be the best playoff game (that didn’t include the Giants) that I can remember. The lack of defense was astounding and the quarterback play was magnificent. It was unfortunate that the game ended like it did amid the controversy, but I think what was even more surprising was that it ended with a defensive touchdown. After a full game of defensive incompetence, Arizona’s defense came up huge, even though they had a little help from some questionable officiating, and shut the door on the Packers season. But it was a helluva ending to a pretty exciting and interesting first weekend of playoff football, which will certainly continue next week with some intriguing matchups in the NFC. And, just like I acknowledged would be the case, only one favorite (Cowboys) going into this past weekend’s games will move on. Maybe next week I will take those facts into consideration and make my picks accordingly since the divisional round is similar to the wild card round in upset frequency, but before I get ahead of myself, here are eight (two from each contest) figments of football from wild card weekend.

I might cry too Chad if my quarterback was atrocious and I had to go back to a name that many use to refer to their junk. (AP Photo/David Kohl)

1.    Palmer’s putrid performance. This is the kind of impression you leave on a kid that once, and probably still does, idolized you? Mark Sanchez has loved Carson Palmer ever since he was a ball boy for Palmer at Santa Margarita Catholic School and then followed in his footsteps as the quarterback at USC. But the one thing he never could be was as good as Palmer. Palmer was a better HS quarterback, a better college quarterback and will probably end up being the better pro quarterback as well, but when they met on Saturday that was far from holding true. But please, hold your surprise to a minimum because it’s not like accomplishing that feat was all that difficult. Joe Theisman could have repelled out of the booth onto the field on Saturday and put on that #9 jersey and might have had a better outing than Palmer (and Theisman might have wanted to consider it just to get out of the booth and away from Joe Gibbs who could have possibly been one of the worst announcers I’ve ever heard. Seriously, who puts soft-spoken guys in the booth? And ones with very little to say on top of it? Apparently NBC values awkward silence more than the other networks because I don’t think I’ve heard more “should I be the one to break this awkward silence” moments than there were between Tom Hammond and Theisman on Saturday). Almost every throw he made was off the mark and he seemed confused in the pocket and unable to make the quick decisions that are necessary to win football games. In fact, he looked like more of a rookie than Sanchez did. I’m even surprised that he completed 50% of his passes because while watching it actually seemed like he was only completing about one in every five or so. And don’t give me the Revis excuse. He’s nasty but the rest of the Jets secondary is extremely overrated simply on his merits. It was a shame really too that he played this poorly because it totally ruined an impressive effort from Cedric Benson who capped his terrific year with 169 yards and touchdown and looked virtually unstoppable all afternoon. If there was any doubt as to who the MVP of the Bengals was this year the answer couldn’t have been more obvious this weekend.

2.    Johnson it better be. After Chad got lost on Revis Island for the second consecutive week if he isn’t headed to his local courtroom to change his ridiculous concoction of a last name back to his maiden name of Johnson than he is nothing more than a snake oil salesman who cannot, or refuses, to back up his claims. Unless he tries to justify two catches for 28 yards as not being shut down (and then crying into a teammate’s shoulder pads). In that case my opinion of him would be even worse than if he simply refuses to change his name back to what his momma gave him. I have always enjoyed Chad’s antics and the way he plays the game, but this is something that must be done immediately.

Unable to find his air banjo, McNabb was forced to sit on the bench and lament a career in Philly that continuously fell short. (AP Photo/David J. Phillip)

3.    Has the Kevin Kolb era begun? I’m not putting the thrashing the Eagles’ received for the second week in a row at the hands of the hated Cowboys solely on their quarterback, but the air banjo-playing, glass-slapping McNabb has to shoulder a good amount of the blame simply for the position he plays, and he did not play it all that well on Saturday night. Yes, the offensive line was sieve-like, which should also cause raise red flags in Philly considering Andy Reid proclaimed Jason Peters the best left tackle in football and he looks far from that, but McNabb’s performance wasn’t much better. He barely completed 50% of his passes and was erratic even when he did have time to throw. Consistently coming up small for a franchise that has consistently been on the doorstep has to be wearing thin in the City of Brotherly Love (and it is as I listen to the city’s talk radio and the fans are furious) and since the coach is apparently staying for the long-term (which in my opinion was the wrong move) the only logical move is to part ways with the other significant half of the ambiguously gay duo because something has to change if this team has any hope of actually winning a Super Bowl in the next few years. Regular season wins and championship game appearances are nice, but they mean nothing without a ring and it has become apparent that Donny Mac isn’t the man to deliver them that. So even though Reid has said he will be the guy again next year, expect that to change as the season nears and the cries get louder.

4.    Garrett gets it right. From being the hottest coaching candidate in the league two years ago to falling off the map last year, Jason Garrett has righted the ship and should once again be leading owner’s and GM’s short lists of potential coaches. He has figured out the best way to use the cornucopia of weapons he has on offense and for the second week in a row dismantled an overmatched Eagles team and made it look effortless. The main reason is that Garrett has finally come to the realization that the running game will open up lanes in the passing game (Andy? Can you hear me? Mr. Reid, are you paying attention?!) and with three studs in his stable he has finally let them loose to run wild. Last week it was Marion Barber who carried the load and got the Cowboys off to a quick start, starting the game with three carries for 58 yards. Felix Jones went from being the clean-up guy last week to the featured guy this week as Barber was hobbled with a sore knee and Jones was electrifying. On a mere 16 carries he gained 148 yards for a healthy 9.8-yard average. Replacing Barber in the short-yardage role was Tashard Choice and his 42 yards was just the icing on the cake of destruction that the Cowboys had baked for the Eagles. If Garrett doesn’t put too much on the shoulders on his starlet-bedding celebrity quarterback and lets his thoroughbreds continue to be the workhorses, this Cowboys team will be a tough out in the coming weeks.

Rice flexed on the Patriots all day and there was nothing they could do about it. (AP Photo/Elise Amendola)

5.    Ravens run over Pats. Ray Rice wasted no time in letting the Patriots know what kind of game they were in for as he sprinted 83-yards on the first play from scrimmage and he and the Ravens never looked back. His 159 yards on a 7.2-yard average was spectacular and the Ravens’ 234 rushing yards was a testament to the type of game they plan on playing for the rest of the playoffs and in case you were unaware, a steady run game travels very well in the second season. Willis McGahee wasn’t sparkling, but his bruising running style is a nice complement to Rice’s all-around game and will put the Colts on their heels as they have not been extremely stout against the run in over a decade. Joe Flacco is going to have to play a big role if the Ravens plan on knocking the Colts from their lofty perch, but with Rice’s support his job is a lot easier while the Raven’s prospects are a lot brighter.

6.    Welker had nothing to do with this. As much as Patriots fans would like to point at Wes Welker’s absence for their terrible offensive performance, Julian Edelman played damn well in his place and the only one at fault for their struggles was their golden boy quarterback, Tom Brady. True, their defense left a lot to be desired (like the defensive line actually tackling a running back instead of watching them run by before the linebackers or safeties or no one got to them), but Brady had plenty of opportunities to get his team back in the game but was unable to pull a rabbit out of his hat like has so often done in these situations. His 49.1 rating was atrocious and he, like R. Kelly, tried to force balls in places they simply weren’t meant to go. Randy Moss was invisible and Brady tried to make him a player in this game but was unable to get anything going. He threw three interceptions, all of which were inexplicable throws that even the greenest of quarterbacks should be smart enough not to make. He has been money in the postseason throughout his career, but no rule change in the book could have helped him out this weekend and about all he could have done was strap on some Depends so as not to soil his stretch pants as he continuously crapped himself in his home stadium where he had previously been perfect in the playoffs.

I don't think either knew what they were in for prior to the start of the greatest shootout in playoff history. (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

7.    Quarterback clinic. I’ll keep this one brief because if you were unlucky enough to have missed the game I’m pretty sure you’ve heard by now, but the last game of the weekend had to have been the best playoff game by two quarterbacks that I’ve ever seen. Simply put, Kurt Warner and Aaron Rodgers were absolutely amazing and with both teams defenses refusing to get off the bus, shouldered the entire load and kept their teams in it until the very end. Rodgers did struggle early but once he realized his second-rated defense had no hope of containing the immaculate Warner, he stepped up his game and refused to be denied, until of course, he was denied, but not until he had completed a stellar comeback that left Green Bay fans no longer pining for their former quarterback in purple and left no doubts in the minds of observers that the Packers made the right decision in letting Favre walk. Could you have seen the geriatric Favre behind that porous offensive line? I think the only thing that hammers it home for both of these two guys is their shimmering stat lines, none of which was more impressive than Warner’s 29/33 for 379 yards and 5 TDs, while Rodgers numbers weren’t too shabby either as he went 28/42 for 422 yards and 4 TDs with the one early pick. Just consider this: Warner threw more TDs than Flacco had completions.

8.    …but only if his name were Tom Brady. The one thing that everyone outside of Phoenix seems to be crowing about in the aftermath of that barnburner is the two blatant missed calls in overtime on Cardinals defenders crushing Rodgers. On second down Rodgers suffered a pretty obvious helmet-to-helmet hit that for some reason went uncalled and then the Cardinals Michael Adams followed that up on third down by completely mugging Rodgers and ripping his facemask to his belly button. But apparently the refs were too busy being in shock as they finally saw a defender come up with a play in this game as Karlos Dansby picked up the booted fumble by Rodgers and scampered in for the game-clinching score. If his name were Brady he most definitely would have gotten those calls, but after this performance, you can bet that they won’t get missed next year as he has firmly established himself as one of the game’s best. And great quarterbacks don’t dwell on penalties, instead he’ll spend all offseason stewing about the first down play on that same drive where he completely overthrew Greg Jennings for the sure-fire game-winning TD. Thisclose.