Dan Gilbert is Simply Scorned, not Racist

Why, LeBron, why? I thought we had something special??!!!

By now we’ve all read Dan Gilbert’s whisky-laden bon voyage letter to Lebron James; however, the media’s tone over the past few days has focused on the apparent racial undertone to said letter. Now, I’m a white male under 30, which, by definition, means that my world is viewed through a more contemporary prism absent of monumental moments like the civil rights struggle and the assassination of great men like Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King and both John and Bobby Kennedy. I didn’t grow up in a large city, so my only understanding of the struggles that young African Americans face was through the lyrics of N.W.A, Run DMC, Tupac, and Biggie; however, Dan Gilbert’s vengeful and somewhat tempestuous letter to the people of Cleveland had little to do with race, and more to do with the emotions that go along with a bad break up.

The letter had nothing to do with a “slave master” mentality and more to do with a man who felt like he just watched his girlfriend cheat on him—live on a reality TV show. Think of it like The Real World or The Bachelor. Imagine if your girlfriend was on The Real World—you sit down one night to watch the show with all your friends it’s going to be a great night and boom, the love of your life  is all lip-locked with some strange dude—tell me you wouldn’t have written that letter or something equivalent to it . Here is what we know: Lebron grew up in Akron, Ohio, right near Cleveland; if you mentioned the words “Lebron” and “overrated” anywhere in the same paragraph you were met with the most ardent defense from Cleveland fans as if you personally threatened  their own child. I once wrote a column about Lebron falling short in the fourth quarters of games; I was graced with two death threats and one person who proclaimed he would do anything to see me fail in my writing endeavors. In lifting the curse on Cleveland Lebron was like Luke Skywalker as described by Obi Won in the Empire Strikes Back-”That boy is our only hope”.

With that being said, I’ll translate parts of Gilbert’s letter into one that we’ve all either received or maybe even written at some point in our dating lives. (*BLT= Break up letter translation*)

DG: “As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.”

BLT: You know how much I loved you, and now you are leaving me for the girl you told me you didn’t even like.

DG: “This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.”

BLT: You strung me along for days telling me that it wasn’t me, it was you, that you just needed some time to think, while deep down you were just trying to buy yourself time because you’re a week and hurtful person.

DG: “The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.”

BLT: Good thing for me my true friends haven’t left me and they never will because THEY actually love me.

And here’s the big one:

DG: “There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.”

BLT: I can’t wait to tell your Mom and all your friends about all the problems I helped get you out of; I kept your secrets quiet for a while, but don’t worry, I’ll be sure to relate all the details to those who love you so people can see just what type of guy you really are.

(What Gilbert is referring to here is keeping Lebron’s boys on the payroll, flying them in corporate G5s across the country, probably bailing Lebron out of some alleged trouble, and possibly sweeping some mischief under the rug because he was looked upon like the son of Cleveland. Apparently Chicago dropped out of the Lebron sweepstakes because they wanted nothing to do with gifting perks and comps to Lebron and his crew which apparently was a package deal and must in signing LBJ.)

DG: You (Cleveland fans) simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

BLT: You hurt me when I was so good to you; I always put you first, no matter what.

DG: “I personally guarantee that the Cleveland Cavaliers will win an NBA championship before the self-titled former ‘King’ wins one.”

BLT: This I promise you right now: I’ll get married and have an amazing happy family before you (the good lords gift) will ever sniff true happiness because frankly, “Karma is a b***h,” and someone as self-absorbed as you doesn’t deserve happiness.

DG: “If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.”

BLT: Same paragraph stated before, just worded a bit more egregiously and ending with “You promised me you’d love me forever and would never leave; you’re a liar and I hate you.”

DG: “Some people think they should go to heaven but not have to die to get there.”

BLT: You want to be successful and happy in your relationships without putting in any of the required work; relationships are a two-way street mister.

DG: “The self-declared former ‘King’ will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does ‘right’ by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.”

BLT: Oh and by the way Mr. “God’s gift,” I’m headed to church to pray that lightning strikes you down where you stand; hopefully next to that whore who are going with.

DG: Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day…. I promise you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only: Delivering you the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….

BLT: I promise that I’m going to work on my self both inside and outside. Boys already notice me and I haven’t given them any mind because I loved you so much, but now game’s on. Oh, and I might just sleep with one, or more, of your boys.

Like I said, if you go back and look at the letter it reads just like a painfully scorned lover. The best part about this whole plight is that isn’t over by a long shot; which means more drama and potentially a trip to Oprah’s couch.