If T.O. could clap in Buffalo, he'll be giddy in Cincy.

If Marvin Lewis didn’t have his hands full before, he sure does now. After reportedly inking a two-year, $2 million deal with the Bengals you can now add Terrell Owens’ name to the laundry list of reclamation projects holding court in the Queen City; T.O. joins Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones, Cedric Benson, Tank Johnson, Antonio Bryant, and Matt Jones, not to mention the mercurial personality that is Chad (I still refuse to call him Ochocinco) Johnson. The Queen City? Cincinnati has become more like Celebrity Rehab: NFL Edition.

While adding T.O. to a locker room that seems to sit on a fault line may raise some eyebrows, it’s been in the works for months and shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Honestly, does anything the Bengals do surprise anyone anymore? The Bengals sniffed around T.O. in March like a German shepherd around Lindsay Lohan’s glove box, but unlike the olfactory arm of the law the Bengals came away empty. Instead they opted to sign Bryant, a receiver carrying problems of his own; their T.O. pursuit seemed to die there. But then Carson Palmer began working out with the maligned receiver in California just as Bryant’s knee was starting to raise concerns in the front office. With Palmer’s endorsement, and Johnson’s urging, the Bengals reached out once again to the unemployed future Hall-of-Famer and decided his talent was worth the risk. And they’re right.

I wrote a few months ago how after getting destroyed in back-to-back weeks by the Jets, the Bengals have drastically changed their offensive philosophy before even crafting a game plan. It was a necessary change. Despite sweeping their division, they were unable to generate any offense during the season’s most crucial time. But it wasn’t just the losses to the Jets that worried them; Palmer couldn’t establish chemistry with any receiver besides Johnson and the Bengals passing game struggled as a result. Enter Bryant, Jermaine Gresham, and Jordan Shipley and suddenly the Bengals receiving corps is potent like never before. But Bryant’s achy knee started to act up and worry began to creep in. They couldn’t possibly trust the success of their aerial attack in the hands of rookies could they? Not in Lewis’ mind. The only other option was signing the best receiver left on the market, one with considerable baggage but also 144 touchdown grabs.

Despite his reputation around the league, T.O. was as good a citizen as ever last year in Buffalo; he didn’t raise a stink despite the Bills’ quarterbacks smelling worse than a spritz of Sex Panther. That doesn’t mean he’s mutated into a choirboy, but maybe after all these years he’s realized the error of his ways and that his next outburst could be his last. But he also brings an unquestionable desire to win and one of the best conditioning regimens in the league; there’s no doubt about how hard he works. While he certainly isn’t the receiver he was in piling up the majority of those 144 scores, he still has plenty left in the tank and adds a legitimate, and talented, receiving threat opposite Johnson. If Bryant is healthy that’s all the better; good luck handling Johnson, Bryant and T.O. in three-receiver sets, plus a potential lethal slot option in Shipley and a tight end with Gresham’s skill set.

While many see the risk of signing T.O. outweighing the reward, Lewis is from a different school of thought; if anyone is capable of the delicate balancing act it takes to manage his ego, it’s Lewis. Lewis has handled more than his fair share of temperamental personalities and has somehow managed to hold onto the pin-less grenade that’s the Bengals locker room way longer than he should’ve been able to. Not only has he found a way to diffuse a potentially volatile situation, he’s excelled in leading the Bengals to their first playoff appearances since Boomer Esiason was under center. The Bengals even swept the most hard-nosed division in football last year, a shocking revelation no one could’ve predicted. Yet, Lewis remains without a contract for next year; the recent on-field success obviously not transferring to their famously inept front office. But if Lewis finds a way to make it work for another year, he won’t have to worry about the Bengals paying him because somebody else certainly will.

And if he’s not successful and the Bengals inevitably explode like some predict? Well, at least it will have been one hell of an entertaining ride.

Despite the distance seemingly standing between the opposing factions, I firmly believe that they will come to an agreement before next season is scheduled to kick off. You don’t reach the NFL’s level of success by being stubbornly ignorant; both the players and the owners know the damage that could be caused by a wok stoppage. But my opinion doesn’t matter right now; what does is what is going on behind the scenes between the NFL Player’s Union and the owners who employ them.

Last week Mike and Mike dove headlong into this topic and brought on two of the key decision makers from both sides of the conflict. Regardless of your opinion on Mike and Mike or if you couldn’t care less about anything they have to say doesn’t matter; what does is what the people they had on have to say because they’re the ones who are tasked with saving us from football purgatory. Because of the important implications that these negotiations have on the future of the league I thought it necessary to share with you what both NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith and NFL executive VP Jeff Pash had to say about where they stand, what’s next, and what they’ll do to ensure we don’t miss a moment of the greatest league in the world. Take a listen below.

Smith first speaks about agent’s contact with collegiate players before speaking on the current labor situation. To listen, click here.

Pash gets the final word and reacts to what Smith said and talks about where the owners stand. To listen, click here.

Portis will find it impossible to relive his Denver days.

Olandis Gary. Mike Anderson. Rueben Droughns. Tatum Bell.

All four of these backs were unheralded when they started their careers in Denver, yet all managed to top 1,000 yards during their stay. Of course, there were also studs Terrell Davis and Clinton Portis, too. But even Davis was nondescript coming out of Georgia in 1995 and wasn’t drafted until the sixth round.

But regardless of pedigree, under the tutelage of Mike Shanahan and his vaunted zone blocking scheme, every single one of these backs saw some level of success and all topped the 1,000-yard barrier, with Davis becoming only the fourth running back to top 2,000 yards in 1998. It is this track record of success that’s garnered Shanahan the reputation of being able to craft a stellar run game regardless of who’s toting the rock for him.

But Shanahan isn’t in Denver anymore; he’s relocated to the nation’s capitol. And in typical Shanahan style he’s collected running backs like Jeffrey Dahmer collected body parts and Jon Gruden collected quarterbacks. While Shanahan has made studs from scrubs in the past, he’s had a reputation for juggling his backfield—a headache and worst-case scenario for fantasy players. But one thing was always certain in a Shanahan offense: whoever ran it would find success.

And now he’s got possibly the best collection of running backs he’s ever had—if this were 2006. But while Portis, Willie Parker and Larry Johnson have all seen better days, they have combined for 21,293 yards rushing and have a total of 11 1,000-yard seasons. The mention of their names conjures memories of dominance and stretches of brilliance. Team them with Shanahan and the sky’s the limit, right? I mean he is the running back guru.

Well, in the words of Lee Corso, not so fast my friend.

I could point to the Redskins offensive line, but that would be too easy (though it did improve dramatically with the addition of Jammal Brown). No, instead I did a little research my friends, courtesy of the greatest tool on Earth—pro-football-reference.com, and what I found was quite interesting.

During Shanahan’s 14 seasons in Denver, 11 of them featured a 1,000-yard rusher. His teams averaged 138.4 yards/game on 30.6 carries for 4.5 yards/carry average. Those numbers are pretty ridiculous when you really think about it. But here’s where the problems start.

None of the triumvirate in Washington has averaged 4.5 yards/carry since 2008 when Johnson did it with the Chiefs. Even worse, Portis and Parker have each only accomplished that feat twice in their entire careers, and both did it in their first two seasons. So Shanahan finding a way to milk a healthy average out of these geriatric backs looks to be quite the monumental task. But wait, there’s more.

Portis is 28, Parker is 29 and Johnson is 30. Only once in Shanahan’s head coaching career has he had a back as old as any of them break 1,000 yards and that was 2005 when Mike Anderson ran for 1,014 yards at the tender age of 32. But he wasn’t running on 32-year-old legs; entering the ’05 season Anderson only carried the ball 626 times in his career. Johnson carried the ball 416 times in 2006 alone. Johnson enters this season with 1,421 carries, Portis 2,176 and Parker 1,253—all more than double Anderson’s total entering that ’05 season.

In fact, other than what equated to a magical ’05 season for Anderson, the best a running back did for Shanahan over the age of 28 was Terrell Davis in 2001 when rushed for a less-than-stellar 701 yards. Even the Shanahan scheme and a good offensive line couldn’t propel older guys over the hump. So what makes him believe he can do it now, with these guys?

And to add even more confusion, befuddlement and intrigue to the situation, the Redskins are furiously recruiting Brian Westbrook to join the aging athletes in the backfield—the 30-year-old Westbrook with 1,308 carries (and 426 catches) and a history of concussions.

So what does this mean? Well, it’s quite simple. Whereas before Shanahan always found a way to be successful on the ground and fantasy players gobbled up Bronco backs with fervor, this season is shaping up to the contrary. Shanahan’s had only four seasons where he didn’t produce a 1,000 yard rusher and this will most certainly make the fifth. In 1988, a 28-year-old Marcus Allen, the Hall-of-Fame Allen who just so happens to be one of the greatest backs of all time, couldn’t even break the 1,000-yard mark under Shanahan, mustering only 831 yards before finally resurrecting his career in Kansas City. So it will be virtually impossible for any of these three—or four—backs to even come close, especially considering how bad each has looked in the last two years.

The one piece of advice everyone should heed this year is to avoid all Redskin running backs, no matter what. While one may prove to be serviceable, I expect Shanahan to revert back to his juggling ways, making it almost impossible to decide who that will be on any given week.

The worst part for Redskin fans is while the running game will certainly struggle—unless Ryan Torain lives up to his potential and supplants all three backs ahead of him (highly unlikely)—the passing game figures not much better, even with Donny Mac at the helm. Santana Moss led the team last year with 902 yards for 12.9 yards/catch—the worst average of his career. He’s now a year older and unless he tries to skirt the law and use some of Dr. Anthony Galea’s steroids, the chances of him bettering that average are slim and besides tight end, the receivers in Washington aren’t anything to write home about.

But Donny Mac might want to write to the automakers in Detroit for some advice because they might not be the only ones needing a bailout in Washington.

I headed out to the local watering hole a couple weeks ago, and on the way in I was listening to the crotchety old Mike Francessa on WFAN 660 New York belittle callers and yell at people who didn’t agree with him, but I digress. The point is that at some point during the show there was a mention of a Slingbox — I can’t remember if it was a caller or one of the promos that were running in which WFAN was giving away some of the devices. Either way, I had heard about the Slingbox a bunch of times before in passing but never knew exactly what it did. BIG mistake on my part.

So I finally reached my destination and met up with a few friends to watch the Phillies game, which I could not get at home because I get a New York cable feed. I asked them if they had ever heard of a Slingbox; the Anonymous Mets Fan said no, but my other friend told me that he knew it had something to do with a cable feed. I was naturally intrigued. Without any solicitation, my buddy picked up his phone and quickly Googled the product (ahh, the beauty of the mobile Internet), and immediately filled us in on all of the capabilities.

The whole purpose of the Slingbox is to allow users with an entry point to their very own cable box remotely by accessing it remotely by computer or even a variety of smartphones. While most of the device’s marketing has been directed at traveler’s who would like to still be able to enjoy their shows on the road, a major market that really needs to be aware of this is YOU, the almighty sports fan.

Displaced sports fans, your salvation has arrived.

Anyone who knows me personally can speak to the endless horrors that I have had to deal with in years past because of a terrible black hole that exists between MLB.tv online and Comcast cable in my central NJ area. Comcast provides me with one Philadelphia channel that feeds me sporadic Phillies games throughout the season, but does not provide me with the channel that 95% of the games are on. MLB.tv believes that I am close enough to Philly to get the feed through my cable provider and therefore blacks out all of the Phillies games that I would like to access with their much cheaper version of the MLB package through my computer, which I can then just hook up to my TV. So, my friends, this leaves with one terrible option (or so I thought). For the past couple of years I have tried to hold out on paying the absurd amount of money for the MLB TV package (usually I can get to about the second week of the season, after the free, week-long preview that MLB provides), but I always fold and end up shelling out the cold hard cash. But now I know about Slingbox, and it is going to really change everything. Not only for me, but for displaced sports fans everywhere.

Most sports fans have some kind of geographical tie to the teams they root for; perhaps they moved away from home and try to follow their teams as best they can. Maybe they have family or friends in that area and jumped on board a team’s bandwagon at a young age. The point is that the die hard sports fan usually has ties to his/her team’s city. So, rather than piss away a couple hundred dollars every year to get a programming package to really just watch one team play, why not get a Slingbox, set it up at a relative or friend’s house, and have them set you up? It’s a one-time fee, and in the very worst case scenario, you could offer to pay for an extra cable box to be set up in a room that’s never used. That’d probably cost you somewhere in the area of $6/month to pay for, making it about $70/year for the full MLB season, which is roughly a third of the cost of the actual package. Better yet, find someone in that city who likes the team of you the city you are in — the Anonymous Mets Fan and I have grand plans to set up this arrangement and reap the full benefits of our glorious plan! Even better — here’s a million dollar idea for someone more tech savvy than me to get off the ground: a social network devoted to finding displaced fans with Slingboxes. Just remember, you read it here first.

Those of you who are interested in a few basic details, I’ve already done the legwork for you. I actually reached out to Slingbox through Twitter, got in touch with a couple very friendly reps over there, and asked a few important questions. You’ll need:

-A cable box
-TV
-Slingbox

Hook all three up and you are good to go. You don’t have to have the TV on where you are taping, but the cable box does need to be on the appropriate channel, which you can control remotely. If you want, you can even stream games to your phone by buying the $30 mobile player (one time cost). Managing everything online through their website is fast and easy, and those of you with up-to-date computers and TVs can stream right through your television.

Slingbox is here to stay. If you have any doubts, just go to their website and check out their Twitter feed, which consists of hundreds of real-time conversations about how people are in love with this device. Those of you who, like me, are unable to watch your favorite teams through your local cable can now afford to do so without having to break the bank every year. If only I had someone like me to share such a worthwhile and money-saving anecdote years ago…

Bruce's superb hands, and his determinations, should earn him a trip to the Hall.

When Isaac Bruce retired last week after the 49ers showed class by trading him back to the Rams for nothing so he could retire as a member of the team where he enjoyed 14 extremely productive seasons, the debate immediately began on his Hall of Fame credentials. What I don’t understand is why there is any debate at all. While Bruce is most likely not a first-ballot entry, his production should speak for itself and he shouldn’t have to wait too long for his enshrinement in Canton.

Bruce’s career stats are extremely impressive. Over his 16 year career he amassed over 1,000 catches, more than 15,000 yards and broke the goal line 91 times. His career yards-per-catch of 14.9 isn’t too shabby either, especially for a guy many considered to be a possession-type receiver. But if these numbers alone aren’t enough to convince you of Bruce’s greatness, let me put them in perspective for you.

Bruce’s 15,208 yards are the most by anyone not considered the greatest receiver of all time. He stands ninth in all-time receiving touchdowns and fifth in receptions. While both Terrell Owens and Randy Moss should pass him in yards (as long as someone bites the bullet and signs the controversial TO) sometime this season, they are both surefire Hall-of-Famers so that shouldn’t hurt Bruce’s candidacy at all. The point here is simply that Bruce stacks up with the all-time greats so there should be no doubt that he belongs along side of them in Canton.

But the main reason he’ll have to wait probably longer than he should have to is because there’s currently a log jam of receivers waiting for entry into the hallowed halls of football immortality. Two of the receivers ahead of Bruce in receptions, Tim Brown and Cris Carter, have yet to be voted in and most agree that it’s only a matter of time before they are. But since they’ve been waiting longer and are very comparable to Bruce, if they aren’t voted in within the next five years he may have to get in line behind them.

But there are also some who try to take away from Bruce’s accomplishments, as well as from others who have played in this generation, due to the fact that the league has evolved into more of a passing league than before so the numbers are deceiving. In Bruce’s case even more so considering he was a part of the “Greatest Show on Turf,” one of the highest-powered offenses the league has ever seen. But while some think it’s an argument against Bruce, in fact it’s all the more reason why he deserves the honor.

Being a member of that prolific St. Louis offense is exactly why Bruce belongs in the Hall. While Kurt Warner was the star and Marshall Faulk the heart and soul, it was because of Bruce that they were able to air it out on such a consistent basis. He was their best receiver and a trusted target for Warner. Torry Holt was present for those explosive years as well, but in their 1999 championship season Holt was a rookie and it was Bruce who commanded all the attention. While Holt may have become a better receiver than Bruce during his career, without Bruce it isn’t guaranteed that Holt would have developed into such a star. Holt still lauds Bruce for teaching him the intricacies of the game and teaching him how to run routes, no small feat considering Holt could be one of the best route runners football has seen in a long time. So there’s also that leadership quality that neither TO nor Moss possesses that made Bruce great.

I’m not proclaiming Bruce is better than guys like Lynn Swann or Steve Largent simply because his numbers surpassed theirs. I understand that we’re now in a completely different era than those guys played in. But I believe he deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as those guys for the impact he had on the game and for football in St. Louis. Despite his success he never boasted or bragged like receivers are prone to do. Bruce was the anti-receiver of our generation. He was a guy that went about his business and cared only about winning and making sure he did his job. It just so happens that in the process he happened to put up an impressive resume of stats.

So while he’ll probably have to wait until Brown and Carter get the call, and maybe even Andre Reed, there’s no doubt in my mind that he should follow them when his time comes; they’re all comparable receivers, except of course for the ring that rests on Bruce’s finger and that is always something that Canton takes into consideration. But the fact that he has to wait might make for a better story.

The quarterback who threw him the ball during the best years of his career also happened to step down this offseason as well, and while in my opinion Warner also belongs in the Hall, he’ll most certainly have to wait a few rounds before he gets the call. So if Bruce and Warner are both forced to wait it out, maybe they’ll get the call on the same day and they can celebrate this honor—like so many touchdowns in the past and especially the 73-yard game winner in Super Bowl XXXIV—together.

Mankins is merely a symbol of what is truly ailing the Patriots.

Every NFL team goes through contract issues, but it seems the Patriots have to deal with them more than most. Typically the Patriots win this game of chicken more often than not, and when they lose it’s usually not crippling to the success of their franchise. Countless times in New England we’ve seen average players want bigger contracts; however, the Pats brass has been steadfast in their approach, and has shown these players the door. Most of the time those players have gotten big money to play elsewhere, but were mostly ineffective: Deion Branch, David Givens, Randall Gay, to name a few.

What makes the Patriots savvy from a business standpoint is they never get saddled with large contracts for above-average players, always opting for younger players to fill their roles and “fit the system.” But while this worked for a decade, it’s now becoming increasingly difficult. Over the past few years, as King Henry would say, “the game’s afoot;” the Patriots let good players walk without a comparable or suitable player to replace them. Examples of New England’s dichotomy are Willie McGinest and Asante Samuel; while they lucked out with Adalius Thomas when they let McGinest go, when it came time to replace Samuel they turned to Duane Starks, which didn’t turn out so well for the boys in New England.

This brings me to the Logan Mankins situation. If the Patriots followed Teddy KGB’s advice and would simply “pay that man his money” would that fix all of what has been troubling the Pats of late? Not even close.

As a Patriots fan I’ve believed in a system that’s won three Super Bowls, so some patience is in order; however, that doesn’t mean this system is infallible. The Patriot’s secret, confirmed to me by a reliable source in the organization over a whiskey at McCormick & Schmick’s in Providence a while ago, is very simple; they built their system like a successful business—to sustain itself for 10-20 years.

The first part, like all business plans, was the toughest: creating a culture of winning to attract smart, savvy veterans who felt winning championships was more important than getting paid. This is essentially what brought guys like Rodney Harrison, Randy Moss and Corey Dillon to Foxboro.  They’d all been great players on bad teams but realized they’d never be considered elite without a ring. These were exactly the types of players the Patriots wanted to attract and were keys to their success, while they also learned to manipulate the draft along the way. This was the perfect formula for success. The older wiser veterans mentored the young players to eventually succeed them and the culture of success and winning would continue for decades; picture it as a family over three generations with Ty Law as the grandparent, Asante Samuel the father and Ellis Hobbs the grandson. But a problem occurs when the father jumps ship, abandoning his child in the process with the grandfather ill-prepared to spend the required time with his grandson. The formula is good, not perfect.

What made the early 2000s Patriots smart is they knew business both inside and outside the lines of the football field. Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick and Scott Pioli are brilliant business and football men who understand people, talent and economics, and more importantly, their roles. The first rule of economics in any organization with a cap or limit on spending is finding value no matter what. This basically means not blowing your load on over-priced head-cases or washed-up veterans like the Redskins and Raiders. Most important though is finding those rare commodities—a true nose tackle, star quarterback, stud inside linebacker, good coaching—and then treating them like you would Bar Rafaeli if she was your girlfriend (they’re yours and only through your cold, dead fingers will anyone pry them away).

NFL Market Deficiency #1: No front office salary cap. So if real-life resembled Madden, you could have Belichick as your coach, Mike Holmgren as your offensive coordinator, and Dick LeBeau leading your defense, and you could pay them whatever you want. In fact, the Patriots weren’t far from that when they had Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weis on the sidelines with Belichick, and Josh McDaniels (Hoodie Jr.)  and Eric Mangini (The Tool) waiting in the wings. So as long as team management gave them the talent level of a 10-6 team, they could rely on a great coaching staff (face it, the NFL is all about coaching) and smart capable vets to propel them and create their mini-dynasty. Financially they paid for a 10-6 team year every year and hoped their coaching staff could help their players catch lightning in a bottle, hoping the better the coaches the bigger the bottle.

NFL Market Deficiency #2: Most teams in the AFC, and everyone in their division, had no idea the draft works better than free agency. The Bills, Dolphins, and Jets were the equivalent of your friend that dates strippers and is shocked every time the relationship sours. He always tries to explain how this one is better than the last but he can’t grasp the fact that they’re all strippers. (I apologize to the stripper constituency, but even you know you’re all a tad crazy.)

Patriot Problem #1 (AKA when the wheels fell off): Instability in the middle ranks. From 2006-2009, Belichick saw his coaching ranks thin out quicker than Lindsay Lohan after a weekend bender at the Voyeur Club. The downfall of success is everyone else in the league wants a piece and colleges and other NFL teams came a’poaching, creating a void in their coaching structure as they could only replace their great assistants with mediocre ones (apologies to Dean Pees but Romeo Crennel he isn’t). The 2009-2010 season was the culmination of this; gone were the brainiac blitzes, innovative offensive packages, or creatively designed plays. I’m almost positive Belechick was afraid to give the title of offensive coordinator for fear they’d be poached like all the rest. So without the best collective coaching staff and armed with merely above-average talent, the ‘09 Pats were behind the eight ball. As much as I think The Hoody still has his fastball, he isn’t hitting 99 on the gun like he used to; he’s 58-years-old and while by no means done as a head coach, he’s just spread way too thin, which takes away from his main duty, being the HEAD COACH.

Patriot Problem #2: If we go back to our family example, the Patriots’ big problem came  in the middle, or with the son. They let talented players like Samuel, Richard Seymour et al. move on without elite coaches to bridge to the next generation. Their ‘06 and ‘07 drafts weren’t particularly strong and they failed to identify the (cheap) mid-round talent that was the foundation of their success in the early part of the previous decade, which leaves them in their current situation and brings us full circle to Mankins.

ESPNBoston’s Mike Reiss reported Monday that Mankins has demanded a trade saying, “I want to be traded. I don’t need to be here any more.” Now the rumors are the Pats had a generous offer on the table which would’ve made Mankins one of the highest paid guards in the league. But Mankins wants to be the highest ergo he wants out of Foxboro. But while I don’t think guard is a highly commoditized position and saving that money for someone like Tom Brady or leaving it in the piggy for future use may actually be a good thing after a new collective bargaining agreement is reached, the Patriots play in the AFC East, a division where the Jets and Dolphins have made significant improvements, at least on paper. That is the problem in New England and Mankins is merely an omen of the trouble ahead—he’s another great player on the ‘son’ level who might leave without having a properly mentored grandson to replace him.

Whether they pay Mankins or not, the problem runs deeper. They tried to keep building for the future with the draft but until last year failed. Mankins protects their meal ticket’s blind side, has been an All Pro twice and is one of the best linemen in the game. Defection is part of the business of football and the Pats have dealt with it better than most—until now. As a team the Patriots are anything but cheap, but being frugal in the past might have cost them their future.

Expect to see Cowher, and his trademark scowl, roaming the Giants sideline by 2012.

Five months ago Jerome Bettis claimed Bill Cowher, his former coach in Pittsburgh, was waiting to return to coaching until the New York Giants job became available. The story gained headlines and led to speculation as to the truth of his comments—until Cowher summarily denied the rumors, stating he hadn’t talked to Bettis in two years. And with that, the conspiracy theory died and everyone forgot about it—except for me.

And now I’m here to resurrect the rumor.

When Antonio Pierce proclaimed last week that Tom Coughlin was on the hot seat, I immediately thought of Cowher and how I’d been meaning to write my little conspiracy theory ever since “The Bus” first broached the topic. Not only did it finally provide me with an opportunity to write something that makes too much sense not to happen, but it actually makes too much sense not to happen.

I don’t necessarily agree with Pierce’s assessment of Coughlin, especially considering he’s only three years removed from leading the Giants to one of the most improbable championships in history, but he followed it up with the best record in the league the next year and if not for a mistimed misfire from a Plaxico Burress’ firearm, he may have led them to back-to-back titles. But I do believe Coughlin won’t be coaching the Giants much longer.

Coughlin’s contract is up after the 2011 season and even if the Giants offered him an extension I’m not sure he’d take it. He’s the oldest coach in the league and will be 65 before the 2011 season. He’s a family man and would probably love to sit back and spend time with them and actually watch his son-in-law, Chris Snee, play rather than yell at him from the sidelines. There definitely won’t be another Joe Torre-like standoff in New York.

But I actually think Coughlin could decide to call it quits after this season, depending on how things go, which would leave an opening in one of the most attractive destinations in the NFL. Not only are the Giants one of the most historical and tradition-laden teams in league history, but they have a talent-laden roster and a franchise quarterback to build around. All of which are part of Cowher’s criteria.

Bettis pointed out the Mara family as a major reason why Cowher is attracted to the Giants and that can’t be downplayed. There are very few “football families” and the Mara’s are at the top of that list with the Rooney’s. They’ve owned the team since their inception in 1925 and have always run the team with pride and dignity, very similar to the Steelers. It’s exactly the kind of situation Cowher desires.

But I’ll take it a step further than Bettis and look to the Giants roster for even more reasons why when Coughlin steps down as Giants coach that Cowher will step up.

When most coaches take over a new job they make a fatal mistake—instead of conforming to the talent on hand they purge the roster and try to rebuild with guys who fit their system. This can take up to three years, but most coaches don’t have the luxury of time. It’s a strategy that fails more often than not yet coaches continue to do it. But Cowher wouldn’t have to do that in New York because the Giants are his kind of football team.

Cowher loves to pound the ball and prefers a ball-control offense. With Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw he has two guys who can be workhorses and Jacobs is the ideal thumper that Cowher loves. He’d also be blessed with Snee, one of the best mauling guards in the league, a real Cowher guy. Then there’s the presence of Manning, a legit franchise quarterback, something Cowher requires to take a job. He’d obviously have to alter his offensive philosophy a bit with all the young receiving talent the Giants have, but I’m pretty sure he’d be okay with that.

But the reason I believed Bettis all those months ago was because of the defense. Cowher is a 3-4 guy and ran it to perfection in Pittsburgh. While many teams struggle with the conversion and it’s often an ill fit despite a coach’s preference, that isn’t the case in New York. In fact, they’re perfectly suited to run it now. It’s like Jerry Reese has been preparing to run it for three years.

Justin Tuck is a beast on the end in the 4-3, but he’s excelled at tackle as well, which means he’d be ideal 3-4 end. They also signed Chris Canty last year, one of the better 3-4 ends in the league with the Cowboys. Mathias Kiwanuka previously made the transition to linebacker in 2007 before moving back to end in 2008. He certainly could move back and with his pass rushing skill he’d be perfect as a pass rushing 3-4 linebacker. The Giants also drafted pass rushing linebacker Clint Sintim last year, who just so happened to play in a 3-4 at Virginia. Middle ‘backers in a 3-4 have to eat up blocks and make plays behind their linemen and Micheal Boley should have no problem running wild behind the line and showing his playmaking ability. Chase Balckburn could eat up blocks and Jonathon Goff and Bryan Kiehl could plug gaps. It’s not difficult to find guys to man the middle in the 3-4.

The only piece the Giants were missing was the keystone of the whole defense—the nose tackle. Since Osi Umenyiora is the odd man out in this scenario (he’s too small to play end and wouldn’t be able to cover for crap), I thought they could trade him for a nose tackle or a draft pick to snag one. But Reese was obviously ahead of me on this one. I said if they drafted a nose tackle-type in the draft this year that it would only lend credence to my theory and I’d be convinced that Cowher was the plan. Enter Linval Joseph—call me convinced.

I know a lot of people will say I’m crazy or simply have too much time on my hands. Neither would be completely wrong, but after reading this ask yourself if it’s really out of the question that Cowher would want to coach in the league’s biggest market for one of the most tradition-laden teams with some of the best ownership in the game that already has the personnel he desires.

It may not happen after this year, but when the 2012 season kicks off, Bill Cowher will be roaming the Giants sideline. He’s perfect for them and they’re perfect for him.

It just makes too much sense not to happen, right?

McNabb's arrival may not be the instant cure many think it will be.

It’s been two months since the Eagles sent Donovan McNabb to the Redskins in a rare interdivision trade, and in those two months there’s been a lot of talk about McNabb being the savior that Dan Snyder has been looking for since he took over the team and began his off-season spending sprees. But is McNabb alone enough to bring the Redskins back to respectability?

The Professor himself, John Clayton, certainly thinks so and he’s already declared Washington co-favorites to win the division. In fact, Clayton hasn’t stopped talking about how much better they’re going to be this year and how many points McNabb will add to their offense. But he’s not the only one. The prevailing opinions of folks who cover the league believe the Redskins are an automatic playoff contender with McNabb.

But please, stop right there. In the words of Lee Corso, not so fast my friend.

McNabb is a six-time Pro Bowler that has excelled in the playoffs, so I can understand the excitement. But then again, he’s also failed once the conference championship game rolls around. The Redskins weren’t worried about that though, nor should they be. Even with McNabb at quarterback the Redskins won’t come close to sniffing the championship game, let alone the playoffs. And stop with the John Elway comparisons. Just because Mike Shanahan is there that doesn’t vault McNabb to Elway status.

Don’t forget, despite all of the turmoil around him, Jason Campbell wasn’t that bad last year. He threw for over 3,600 yards and 20 TDs and completed almost 65% of his passes. Even more impressive is that he did it running for his life behind one of the worst offensive lines in football. McNabb, on the other hand, was only marginally better. He threw for a little under 3,600 yards and 22 TDs, but completed less than 61% his attempts. He did play in two less games due to injury, but with his age and history, injuries are always a concern. McNabb’s weaponry was also far superior to Campbell’s. You know how people say the war between Israel and Palestine isn’t fair because Israel is using tanks and planes against rocks and slingshots? Well comparing McNabb and Campbell last year wasn’t much different. And don’t forget about attitude.

While Campbell withstood an inferno of doubt and scrutiny, McNabb has always been skittish when his job security has been questioned. His skin is Olsen Twin-thin and he’s more sensitive than a 13-year-old girl. He threw a fit when Kevin Kolb was drafted and has always felt slighted by the Philadelphia fans. When things went wrong he never hesitated to throw his teammates under the bus. Thinking Washington will be a break from all that is wrong because the Redskin fan base is just as passionate as Philly.

What also can’t be overlooked is the fact that McNabb was dealt within the division. As much as I felt that this was an ill-advised move and showed the Eagles organization’s arrogance, it also showed that the people who knew him best no longer believe in him. Forget all of the propaganda that Andy Reid spewed about sending McNabb to where he’d best fit and be happy, if Philly still thought McNabb had some gas in the tank there is no way they would’ve traded him to the ‘Skins. So if the Eagles don’t believe in him anymore, why does Clayton and the rest of the national media?

I understand that six Pro Bowls and five NFC Championship appearances go a long way in solidifying a legacy, but those accomplishments are the past and the present situation is McNabb is going to a team with no real threats at receiver (and the only one that matters even a tad is facing PED accusations), a Pro Bowl stable of running backs from 2005, and a horrible offensive line that is banking on fourth overall pick Trent Williams to magically cure their ills. If McNabb feels safe now because of Williams, he’s in for a rude awakening. He said he should benefit from a more balanced attack, one emphasizing the run more. Well he better hope they don’t emphasize it too much because while a trio of Clinton Portis, Larry Johnson and Willie Parker sounds sexy, let me remind you that at one point the triumvirate of Betty White, Rue McClanahan and Bea Arthur sounded sexy too, and then they became the Golden Girls. Even more ridiculous is the Redskins are trying to convince Brian Westbrook to join their senior citizens community behind McNabb. This could get ugly.

During his years in Philly, McNabb was also blessed with one of the premier defenses in football and while the Redskins defense was its strength last year, this year’s success is far from guaranteed. They’re converting to a 3-4 under new defensive coordinator Jim Haslett and their best player in theory, Albert Haynesworth, refuses step foot anywhere near their facility because he’s unhappy with the transition. On top of that, their best defensive player in reality over the past few years, London Fletcher, is ill-suited for the transition as he lacks the bulk to man the inside. They do have budding star Brian Orakpo, but outside of that there’s little else. Remember, this is a team that made DeAngelo Hall one of the highest paid cornerbacks in the league after the Raiders gave up on him (yes, those Raiders).

So while McNabb very well may be an upgrade over Campbell and should provide a boost to their offense, he’s far from a panacea for all their problems. He’ll need help and right now all the Redskins can give him is a pair of tight ends and a bevy of broken-down backs. Will that be enough to put the Redskins back in the conversation in the NFC East? It’s going to take a bit more than that and until we see how he meshes with his hand-me-downs they should be kept right where they were last year—at the bottom looking up at the other three teams.

Right now their talent level dictates another last place performance and it will be a Herculean task for McNabb to muster much more that. If he can’t bring the best out of the mediocre talent around him and the Redskins fail, they very well might realize exactly why the Eagles were willing to part ways with him in the first place.

Oh, and here’s an awesome photo of the crowd in game 3 courtesy of The 700 Level. That’s a whole lotta Orange.

Actually, I don't think I've ever been HERE before.

Before going out on stage, actors and musicians are often told to “break a leg,” but all of them actually hope they walk off the stage under their own power; no one truly wants to break their leg, especially not in front of hundreds of people. The saying is so popular that almost everyone one of us at some point in life has heard it, full well knowing that unless the person wishing this fate upon us was sinister, they in fact just hoped we did a good job. But one place you can be certain that this saying has been quickly put to rest is the Anaheim Angels’ clubhouse.

That’s because after crushing a walk-off grand slam in extra innings against the Mariners, Angels first baseman Kendry Morales rounded third and in what has become custom in Major League Baseball, threw his helmet off and jumped into a mob of his teammates at home plate. The problem was when he landed on home more was broken than just the Mariners hearts. Morales had, in fact, broken his leg.

While slightly comical (okay, maybe a little more since it is quite ridiculous), it’s simply just another idiotic injury in the professional sports landscape. I’m not even referring to ridiculous injuries like Brandon Inge pulling an oblique while adjusting a pillow (I mean, does it get any more pansy than that?) or Brian Griese tripping over his poodle and spraining his ankle (seriously though, football palyers should never own poodles so he rightfully deserved it). I’m talking about the most ridiculous injuries in sports—the celebratory snafu.

As soon as I heard Morales had taken Broadway director’s advice to heart, the first thing that came to my mind was Bill Gramatica. I have never seen someone more idiotic in my entire life than Gramatica celebrating a 42-yard field goal against the New York Giants in 2001. Yes, it gave the Cardinals the lead…in the first quarter. But he treated it like just kicked the game-winning field goal in the Super Bowl and ran to the sideline like a fat kid after the ice cream man, pumping his fist and leapt into the air like he was river-dancing. The only problem was when he landed he tore his ACL and missed the rest of the season. Never has anyone felt like more like an ass than Gramatica did that day.

Then again, maybe Gus Frerotte knows exactly how he feels. On a fateful November afternoon in 1997 Frerotte rushed in from a yard out against the rival New York Giants. The only problem was he made like Forrest Gump and ran right through the end zone and straight into a padded wall, giving the wall a Bam Bam Bigelow-inspired head butt. But walls don’t move and necks do, therefore making the wall the winner and leaving Frerotte with a sprained neck and forcing Jeff Hostetler to finish out the game as the Redskins quarterback. Nevertheless, the game ended in a tie, making Frerotte’s celebration all the more ridiculous.

The list goes on and on and I simply don’t have enough room to list every idiotic celebratory disaster. The point I’m trying to make is that maybe celebrating against the Giants is bad karma. Okay, maybe not; but seriously, this should sever notice to players that they should take the advice of their coaches and managers more often and act like they’ve been there before. Too often a baseball player will hit a walk-off home run in April and act like he just won the Little League World Series. Or a hockey player will score an overtime goal in December and his team mobs him like they just won the Stanley Cup. It’s a tough thing to ask, especially considering these athletes are playing kids games, but every time one of these injuries occurs, it makes that coach-speak actually sound prophetic.

But while Morales only broke his leg and will eventually be able to return to the diamond, Joe Kay wasn’t so lucky. After his dunk capped a victory for Tucson High in 2004, students rushed the court, mobbing Kay and ultimately trampling him under foot. During the celebratory melee Kay suffered a stroke and was left partially paralyzed. Kay was also forced to forfeit his volleyball scholarship to Stanford.

Kay’s story is a tragedy, but at least his fellow students had an excuse. They were merely high school kids trying to have a good time and maybe they hadn’t been there before. Wins over rivals in high school are always overblown, but professionals should know better. After years of playing a sport professional athletes should know the context of the situation and when celebrating is called for and when is not.

While most coaches give that sage advice to their players out of respect for their opponents and for the game, sportsmanship is usually thrown out the window in lieu of showboating. But in fact, all of these players end up looking more like idiots than they do heroes. After all, the Angels are still two games under .500. So what did that game-winner really mean?

So to all professional athletes out there put away the Gatorade buckets until the conference championships, settle the home run celebrations until September and buckle the benches until the playoffs roll around. Context is king and acting like you’ve been there before has never sounded smarter.